We often can get overwhelmed with WORRIES! Many of these are created from nothing or our own illusion. We are somehow stuck in the malaise of a certain matter.
The reason why we are troubled naturally is that we forget to comprehend the matter if it belongs to us. We choose to worry about issues of other people or universe.
We are naturally born with a passion and enthusiasm, and throughout our lifetime, we spend hours worrying about other people’s matters and listening to their problems. We unconsciously become their advisors giving them our thought of wisdom and trying our best to resolve their problems instead of encouraging and motivating them. At that moment, we even become their judge, represent the Universe, give the matter the final judgment. We simply smile happily and feel we have the ultimate control, feeling like a Superhero coming to the rescue.
Involuntarily we force and push others into a deeper, deeper, and deeper hole! Honestly, have we gone too far?
The solution is a suggestion and a demand for others to follow until they finally agree under our pressure, persistence, and determination.
The book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom by Amy Chua shows a great example. All Asian parents (or any parent around the world) want their children to be successful. Many parents impose their list of expectations and rules, and I am not suggesting it’s wrong.
As parents, they have the right to guide their children but they do not have the right to force them into what the parents want, especially if that’s because of their own ambitions and because they never had a chance to achieve success when they were young. When then children are rebellious against their parents, they feel bitter and unappreciated. In fact, the truth is that the kids are the ones to bear the inexplicable pressure and bitterness given from us. That is the real suffering!
When we start worrying, we should evaluate, “Whose matter is it really?“
There are three matters in this world…
I. My Own Matter
Today, whether I like or do not like to eat, whether I am happy or sad, whether I am married or single, whether I am helpful to others or not, etc… These choices can be arranged and planned by me.
II. Matter of Others
Tom is not happy in his marriage, Dick son’s boss has prejudiced him, Harry’s wife is still facing problems to get pregnant… I really want to help and hope others will move one and change, however, they are not grateful, etc… The choice and decision belong to other people. I am unable to change their matter.
III. Matter of the Universe
Typhoons, earthquakes, and other natural disasters… It is beyond our scope as they belong to the jurisdiction of the Universe.
If we chose to manage “my own matter“, to not get involved in “matter of other people“ and anxious about “matter of the Universe”, we would give ourselves an opportunity to set ourselves free from WORRY!
Next time, ask yourself first “WHOSE matter is this?” and stop worrying.
Or best, follow the Irish Philosophy:
