I don’t even know how to feel. Sometimes I feel like a motherless child because it seems so fitting that I am not supposed to have mentors, just take classes that motivate me and teach me something that I am supposed to teach others… It’s a terrible thing to feel like there is no human person that can mentor me. I have to call on my ancestors, ascended masters and holy beings because no human has shown up.
Sometimes I feel like I have been dropped off and left to see how I would do all the things that I have been called to do. It is a longing that each one of us feels, and yet I intrinsically know that I am and have always been a trailblazer, a leader, a way-shower.
Possibly it could even be selfish to think that some human would show up and give me what I already have on the inside.
Perhaps I should shun the fear and allow the spirit and what I see in my mind’s eye to come forth. I should stop allowing myself to feel sorry for myself and know that I am my own mentor.
I am my own healer. I realized just a little while ago, that since I am a healer, then I must heal her. So began the journey to wholeness, openness, healing and ending business as usual. I had to begin to practice what I preach and bring others along with me for the journey.
There are so many things I am learning and in ways that continue to surprise me. I have always been the type of person that doesn’t discount the ways in which you learn. I prided myself in listening to the children, knowing that they can teach you things because they are still so pure, not yet jaded by society.
My own children have always had a sense of wonder and their own sense of woo woo about them. I encouraged that wide-eyed curiosity and wonder secretly because I envied their spirits. I longed for the day that I could just satisfy myself, that I didn’t have to worry about what the world, the church, my family or anyone else thought for that matter.
It’s crazy that a thought like that should even persist in the world we live in today. However amazed I am about the things that occur in the external world we live in, I absolutely love being able to commune with spirit in the way that I see fit.
Not sure if that day would ever have come had I not listened to the spirit and stepped out of the confinement of the boundaries that exist to shut down our minds from consciousness. To work up the nerve to take that step was difficult. It called for getting out of the matrix, being different. For me, it was a cinch, because I have always been different in my life anyways. So it was nothing new, however, still took a huge step.
No matter how black sheepish you are, secretly you wish you weren’t. There is just no other way for you to be.