Human Relationships; sigh… Navigating human relationships can be one of the most complex areas of life.
On Being Engaged
In matters of personal conflict, when we focus on defending and explaining ourselves we don’t even recall what the urgent subject at hand is. We lapse into ego, being right, defending our positions, and sitting inside of the story of “When you don’t agree with me, that makes me wrong and you right and then you get to win.”
Human nature is to navigate toward those who are like-minded, think like us, act like us and are like us. Anything else threatens our survival; which is fine if you’re face-to-face with a T-Rex. We’ve evolved; or have we?
When we continue to engage in a battle that has nothing to do with the war, everyone loses. That’s where the Art of Disengaging comes in to play.
On Being Disengaged
When we put down our swords and take off our armor, the battle is won. Disengaging doesn’t mean to condone unacceptable behavior and it certainly does not mean to let our boundaries fall weak. It means knowing when to implement the art of disengaging in a battle in which no one ever wins.
The Art of Disengaging: How
Sometimes it is in the simplicity of how we handle ourselves wherein the deepest wisdom lies. When you take a stand inside of who you are and who you are being regardless of how someone else is being, you both have won.
Winning the game sometimes means knowing when to quit a losing battle. At any given moment, we can choose our way of being: peaceful, graceful, a role model, steadfast. When you take a stand for these things regardless of who or how the other person is being, you both win.
Coming from a place and a space of simply listening to or understanding another being is all it takes sometimes to disengage. Disengaging doesn’t mean yessing someone to death, it simply means that you are acknowledging their perception, worldview of how things look, seem, and feel right now. It doesn’t mean you agree or you disagree, it simply means you hear another human being.
Whenever in conflict, see if there is a space to create honoring yourself all the while being a contribution to another. Standing on one side of the fence, defending our positions, creates an invisible barrier. When we are open to engage equally in the expression of ourselves and allow another to do the same, the walls come down. Honor yourself; take a stand-in who you are in the world (peaceful, graceful, open and vulnerable) and be a contribution to another. Win/Win.