Before we can even attempt to recreate our relationship with others, we need to start at the source – our relationship with ourselves.
Self-Confidence vs. Self-Esteem
Have you ever wondered about the difference between self-confidence and self-esteem? They sound like one in the same, don’t they? Self-confidence comes from lots of life experience. From the time we are babies trying to learn how to walk, self-confidence has begun. We take that first step, fall on our bottoms and keep on getting up and walking forward.
As adults, we might not have that mindset of continually getting up and keeping forward movement. We get stuck inside our heads; we think about things too much or we say we are tired. Life is full of those two-steps forward, falling on your bottom, keeping getting up and moving forward moments, when you think about it. Wouldn’t it be great to have that same self-confidence you had as a toddler learning to walk, with no thought process involved? Just get up and go, naturally and authentically as part of your need to grow and evolve into the next phase of your life – exploring, going different places, running and playing.
Self-confidence develops over the years. The more things you try and succeed at, the more self-confidence you gain. You also gain self-confidence from not succeeding. Once you see that it’s not the end of the world, you thought it was and you are still standing, you begin to gain self-confidence from resilience. Self-esteem, on the other hand, is how you view, value, and esteem yourself. What kind of regard do you hold yourself in? More importantly, the value and esteem we hold ourselves in can also be the value and esteem that others will hold us in, as well.
If we don’t believe in ourselves, then expecting others to believe in us won’t happen either. We all come to this earth with different gifts and talents. We all have different gifts to bring to the table, His table. Some of us have the gift of leadership while others are experts at assisting. There are those of us with talents for the creative arts while others manage numbers brilliantly. Some have the gift of compassion while others have the gift of patience. It’s in our spiritual gifts where we can find the most joy and the most inner peace.
When these are out of alignment, we may find that the rest of our world is out of alignment, as well – like the area of relationship. I want to stress how important it is to have a healthy relationship with self before moving on to healthy relationships with others. Even if you think you have a perfect relationship with self or whether or not you’ve never even given it a second glance, now’s a good time to begin the work.
We gain self-confidence from the many accomplishments we make, the risks we take, and through it all, we are still standing. More importantly, we are still liked and loved… successes, failures, big breaks, big mistakes and all.
Make a list of times when you were successful in achieving a goal. It doesn’t have to be a big goal. It could be something as simple as losing five pounds or as grand as advancing in your career.
Action Step: Self-Talk – Whenever you hear yourself not giving yourself enough credit, take a look at your list and gently but firmly remind yourself of what you have accomplished, how far you have come and exactly what you are made of.
Tune in for the second part of this series for Self-Esteem guidance.
This excerpt is taken from my Self-Awareness Coaching Program on www.powerandgracelifecoaching.com